Anxiety

Every night when
I go to bed
In my head
Is a scrambled TV
A white-noise cacophony
Of anxieties and worries,
All of my vulnerabilities,
Hypothetical situations I’ll never see;
And now I cannot sleep.
The minutes tick by as I
become sleep deprived.
My heart races
As my mind paces
Remembering, episodically,
Scenarios that I can’t repeat;
Regrets I can’t seem to forget
And better words I should have said.
Every stupid thing I’ve ever said
Minor worries turn to phobias
Trivial thoughts give me dread
Tonight, there’s no peace to find
As potential fights occupy my mind
Things I may never hear or need to say,
But I fear them anyway.
Paranoia feasts on my insecurities
Closest relationships fall into obscurity
A rapid migraine evolves from the stress
As my heart tries to break free from my chest
Horrid visions begin to form
The future becomes an oncoming storm
Or the gaping maw of the unknown abyss
I’m so tired of this
Delusion that I feel
And the fear of it becoming real

Darkness

Darkness

envelopes me

A rapacious gluttony.

It devours all my energy,

Eating at me, constantly.

A raging stormy sea

And a void far and empty

Stretching out endlessly

And beyond all periphery

Creating vast entropy;

A resounding cacophony

Of suicidal tendencies

And homicidal fantasies.

Plagued by oversensitivity

Persistent thoughts of envy

And sporadic acts of jealousy.

Doubtful thoughts make me bleed,

Bringing up insecurities.

A prison from which

I’ll never be free

I’ll never be

happy.

Love poem

Cherry blossoms fill the air
While the wind blows through your hair
An absolutely perfect view
Because, my darling, I love you

You have the most radiant smile
And in your eyes, I get lost for more than a while
I can’t break my gaze from you
Because, my darling, I love you

And any time you’re near
All my troubles just disappear
I can see any trouble through
Because, my darling I love you

I’ll give you my life
And make you my wife
Start my world brand new
Because my darling, I love you

There’s not much in life I know
And less I know is certain
But one thing I know is true
Is that, my darling, I love you

So please just say “I do”

Kraken

Watch your feet, lads aboard
Over deck lives a beast
With an insatiable hunger
For all kinds of meats
She lurks the seabed below
Eyes fixed on her prey
She’ll stalk and she’ll creep
And strike without delay

Calm seas and dark skies

Tells that she’s got you in her eyes

Then the currents will shift

The surface will break

As she erupts from the sea

Leaving great whirlpools in her wake

The salty stand petrified

The green cower and hide

Kings and men alike

Too powerless to strike
Her arms grow long
And many there are at that
They’ll rip apart your vessel
And leave You no time for combat

Claws, like daggers, grow from each limb
To rip both flesh and oak
She’ll tear in half any ship
All in a single stroke
She’ll swallow you whole
Her maw will be your demise
Her gut you’ll find your grave
Your death, a grim surprise

Devestation

This is devastation

An impact most severe

Which has left me hollow

And far too insecure

Intoxication

Metal in my veins

Poison for my brain

Driving me insane

The Brooding face torments me

Shame and guilt; my only company

Holding me back from being me

The sickness is crippling

Debilating insanity

Will I ever be well again?

Can I ever face my friends?

My pride has crumbled beneath my feet

Disconnected from who I am

Severed, from his deceit

I’ve lost all sense of purpose

Is this my fault

Do I deserve this?

I’m haunted by waking nightmares

Will I ever again reach my potential

Will I ever find peace

Spirit, guide me there

Who Do You Think You Are

Who the hell do you think you are
Don’t act like you’re so special
A million men have thoughts like yours
 A thousand more obey them
Just keep your mouth shut tight young man
No one wants to hear a word from it
Your feelings are too damn cliche
Your thoughts are insignificant
It doesn’t matter how you feel
Nothing you think is important
Your feelings are so unoriginal
Nothing you say’s worth saying
No one wants to hear what you think
Not a single soul will care
Your anguish is nothing new
So just stop only thinking of you
You’re an empty brain and a worthless heart
Your actions see no consequence
You’re just digging yourself into a hole
miserable for the sake of misery
“Give me love, give attention to me
I want to feel special, I want your pity”
You’re just another face in the crowd
Just another speck in the dirt

Duality

I’ve spent my life striving to impress
All I’ve gained is heartbreak and duress
It’s time I start breaking to be free
Time I start only thinking of me
 –
(Don’t think that way, stay in the light
You swore to do good, to always do right
Think about others, not of yourself
Give up on fame and women and wealth)
 –
I’ll no longer care for what others need
For now my own gut’s the only thing that I’ll feed
Solitude is all I’ll ever seek
An open heart can only make me weak
 –
(Keep your heart strong, righteous and just
 Keep your heart empty of anger and lust
Seek a righteous and virtuous life
Even if it brings conflict or strife)
 –
It’s always been an eye for an eye, so why not I?
I can make her suffer, I will make her cry
I miss her and I wish things weren’t this way
 But she broke my heart, and now she’s going to pay
 –
(Move on from the heartbreak, give up on the pain
For revenge is a dish dealt only in vain
Hate the sin, not the sinner
 In the game of revenge nobody’s a winner)
 –
She’s just a virus, and nothing more
That got into my heart through an open sore
She tore up my heart, broke me from inside
treated me with contempt and cast me aside
 –
( Forgive and forget, move on from the pain
Adopt the grace, and neglect disdain
you don’t need her, give up the grudge
We’re all only human, you’re in no place to judge)
 –
Once I release myself of this bane
I’ll never let myself love again