Regrets

Regretting,
as I see her walking past;
A phantom of a future I’ll never have,
A ghost of romance and history
A Beautiful mother
And he, handsome,
Doubtlessly more fit for her than I.
And thus doubt floods my mind,
Once more.
For I am accursed,
By some strange musing I had uttered:
“I will never love again”
And then, I meant it.
Perhaps now I regret it.
Wretched I stand,
As the phantom passed.
Exhausted, I sit…
Perhaps more like collapse.
Lonely nights last longer than I will bear.
I had it all and let it go
I say to myself as I pour one more drink.
Restless, I lie in bed,
For now.
Until I feel it all start to slip away
I feel my soul drain from my vessel.
Restless no more,
Now I sleep, eternally.

The Midnight Melody

I still lie awake at night, plagued with thoughts of you
 The insomniac “what if’s” and “if only’s” that keep my mind full steam
And the few hours I have to call my sleep
 Are occupied by dreams of me and you and another man
You’ve moved on to a life that has no room for me
And now I’m just a shadow of a memory you used to live
 Following you around, longing to connect
 But separated, held worlds apart
You say you miss me, that you were better off before
 But it’s just the thought of me, not the being that’s so much more
 You could have had me back, but you chose to leave me behind,
As you walk a dark and barren path, a life you used to adore
And you torture me with messages of happier times and boys other than me
Which I read in the dark, alone on the weekend night
I honestly hope that this is worth it, that this life brings you joy
So much more than what I could have gave, what I could have done for you
But if at night you lie alone, wishing for me, too
then my pain and loneliness is all for nothing
So make good use of what you have, what a life without me got you
For I hope it’s worth leaving behind
A love no one else could compare to