Regrets

Regretting,
as I see her walking past;
A phantom of a future I’ll never have,
A ghost of romance and history
A Beautiful mother
And he, handsome,
Doubtlessly more fit for her than I.
And thus doubt floods my mind,
Once more.
For I am accursed,
By some strange musing I had uttered:
“I will never love again”
And then, I meant it.
Perhaps now I regret it.
Wretched I stand,
As the phantom passed.
Exhausted, I sit…
Perhaps more like collapse.
Lonely nights last longer than I will bear.
I had it all and let it go
I say to myself as I pour one more drink.
Restless, I lie in bed,
For now.
Until I feel it all start to slip away
I feel my soul drain from my vessel.
Restless no more,
Now I sleep, eternally.

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Duality

I’ve spent my life striving to impress
All I’ve gained is heartbreak and duress
It’s time I start breaking to be free
Time I start only thinking of me
 –
(Don’t think that way, stay in the light
You swore to do good, to always do right
Think about others, not of yourself
Give up on fame and women and wealth)
 –
I’ll no longer care for what others need
For now my own gut’s the only thing that I’ll feed
Solitude is all I’ll ever seek
An open heart can only make me weak
 –
(Keep your heart strong, righteous and just
 Keep your heart empty of anger and lust
Seek a righteous and virtuous life
Even if it brings conflict or strife)
 –
It’s always been an eye for an eye, so why not I?
I can make her suffer, I will make her cry
I miss her and I wish things weren’t this way
 But she broke my heart, and now she’s going to pay
 –
(Move on from the heartbreak, give up on the pain
For revenge is a dish dealt only in vain
Hate the sin, not the sinner
 In the game of revenge nobody’s a winner)
 –
She’s just a virus, and nothing more
That got into my heart through an open sore
She tore up my heart, broke me from inside
treated me with contempt and cast me aside
 –
( Forgive and forget, move on from the pain
Adopt the grace, and neglect disdain
you don’t need her, give up the grudge
We’re all only human, you’re in no place to judge)
 –
Once I release myself of this bane
I’ll never let myself love again