Every night when
I go to bed
In my head
Is a scrambled TV
A white-noise cacophony
Of anxieties and worries,
All of my vulnerabilities,
Hypothetical situations I’ll never see;
And now I cannot sleep.
The minutes tick by as I
become sleep deprived.
My heart races
As my mind paces
Remembering, episodically,
Scenarios that I can’t repeat;
Regrets I can’t seem to forget
And better words I should have said.
Every stupid thing I’ve ever said
Minor worries turn to phobias
Trivial thoughts give me dread
Tonight, there’s no peace to find
As potential fights occupy my mind
Things I may never hear or need to say,
But I fear them anyway.
Paranoia feasts on my insecurities
Closest relationships fall into obscurity
A rapid migraine evolves from the stress
As my heart tries to break free from my chest
Horrid visions begin to form
The future becomes an oncoming storm
Or the gaping maw of the unknown abyss
I’m so tired of this
Delusion that I feel
And the fear of it becoming real